We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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