Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
