I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
