just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
