All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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