my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
