He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
