wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She bit a glass in half.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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