please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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