I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
