i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
