my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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