that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just high enough for therapy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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