yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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