Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
