I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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