I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
