Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
