Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
