then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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