super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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