Sponge bath it is.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
