I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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