I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
