Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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