so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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