Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
