i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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