i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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