I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
