Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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