I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
