Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize