im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
