yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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