I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
