Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
