walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this just has baby written all over it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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