got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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