I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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