Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
