just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
