i just google imaged poop.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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