Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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