am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm having to shit out rocks
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