week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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