what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
being pregnant is like rehab
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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