That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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