i would punch a child for taco bell
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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