I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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