you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
