Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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