just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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