gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
