Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
