You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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