i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
