I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
