We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
