i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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