I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
