you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
