I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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